so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
