so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
