the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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