I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
