im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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