I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize