it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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