Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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