Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Pants are for mortals
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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