When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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