how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
