I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
