that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize