You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
