I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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