First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm at about main and main street
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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