dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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