I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
