My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
