You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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