Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
