Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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