Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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