she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
