i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
