The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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