I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
