ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The uberlube is also flammable
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
