My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
