Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You ate ashes out of my bong
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
