She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
4 words: hood of his car
why do cheetos always look like penises
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
