You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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