I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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