Jerry, you need to find god
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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