Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
