Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
