I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize