Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
