Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
