if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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