Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
