well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
