Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
