i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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