and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
