I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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