We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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