i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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