the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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