Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
