I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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