Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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