dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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