I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
