I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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