is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I need water and some morals
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
