I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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