She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
