You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
